apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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