My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
