I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think I sprained my soul last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
