You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
