I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
