Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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