Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
