that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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