My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
