I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
