Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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