My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I did not marry a roomba.
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