Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
