FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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