she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
