you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
