you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
