Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
