When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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