The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
