She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
