Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
