I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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