the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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