id be glad to
I will die if light touches me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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