im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
