hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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