We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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