Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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