Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
