I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
