you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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