I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
