I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
