it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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