Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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