I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
pray to the hookup gods
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
