I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize