And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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