he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
