also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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