Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
