so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i came on her dog
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
