Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize