when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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