super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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