dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize