Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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