I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
