Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
