my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
