I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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