So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize