I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
