he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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