Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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