guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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