I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
