Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
