It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
