No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
