just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize