So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
